Manila shanty


Newcastle-under-Lyme, also known as the cess pit of the world, is a shanty town filled principality located next to the even poorer slum of Stoke-on-Trent. It's glory days were as a member of the Soviet Union through the 20th century. The nation is currently ruled by Vin Diesel, who is regarded as a god king by the whole population, which is approximately 2,374,829.983.



Newcastle-under-Lyme in its prime.

Newcastle-under Lyme is located roughly between Belarus and Ukraine, with the small state of Stoke-on-Trent to the north, and Russia to the east. The capital of Newcastle is Clayton, a large sprawling metropolis that covers a vast area of the nation. Other key cities include Keele, Silverdale and Brazil. The main landmark is the sprawling metropolis of Clayton Hall Business and Language College.


The level of sport in Newcastle is painfully poor. There are a few football teams in the surrounding area, such as Redgate 'The Spackers' Clayton, Hanley 'Total Dump' Town and the most influential team in the Newcastle, the subtly named Newcastle Town. Because of this great lack of top quality football teams, there is no professional football league in Newcastle, and most residents support slightly less local foreign teams, such as Chelsea, Manchester United and Vasco da Gama. Although Chelsea is a popular team to support, all but one of the supporters are classed as arse hole or pricks due to their bizzare team choice. However some choose to follow a team from the shanty next door, Stoke 'Long Ball' City, famous for relying on one big-eared player hurling the ball into the box to actually score any goals.



Jie The RIpper posing for Rusty Sex 2, contrary to popular belief the chainsaw is not actually his heavily tattooed penis.

Newcastle is well known for a series of murders committed between 1945 and 1998, these involved the brutal tearing in half of 7092 victims. They were all believed to have been done by the same man, Jie The Ripper, he was arrested but at his trial he told the judge that he would not rip him thus letting him go free. He then went on to kill a further 20 people in anger at being arrested, all of these were covered up by the authorities who claimed them accidental.

More recently on Saturdays in Newcastle anyone without blue eyes is shot at by a gang of youths known as the Black Hand Gang (not to be confused with the pre-WW1 Black Hand Gang.

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